I was wrong. I thought I could improve my marriage by myself. I can’t. While I can make my marriage a lot happier for my husband, I can’t make him want to fulfill my needs for our marriage. In doing further research, and I should have known from other things that are going on in my life, he has no motivation to make any changes. Things are working for him. He gets great sex, great meals, a clean house and I get …. what? The luxury of not working at my age? What else? What about feeling taken care of? What about feeling cared for? I was quite put out and didn’t hesitate to let him know about it.
These were the thoughts and feelings that were running through my head as I opened up my email the other day. Since I subscribe to several blogs, I was not surprised to get this post from Always Well Within. What did surprise me was the topic. Anger Management. Catch Anger Before it Catches You from Tiny Buddha was the perfect thing for me to read at the perfect time.
Too often, when we get angry, we think that the solution is to vent that anger. After all, haven’t we heard for years about the negative health effects of keeping things bottled up inside? Unfortunately, most of us vent to the object of our anger – in this case, the husband. Knowing the differences between men and women now, I know this doesn’t do any good and is even contrary to the result you want to get. But, without taking a moment to consider the results of that venting, that is what I do – vent, and usually in a big way.
Tiny Buddha cautions us to consider the effect venting your anger has on our health and happiness. Instead of automatically blowing up, if we will take just a moment to tune into ourselves, we can turn that anger around and learn the benefits of love, patience and tolerance. Before I explode the next time, there are seven steps I am going to try to process through: take responsibility, breath, apologize (if you couldn’t get to these steps in time!), transform the negative energy, resolve, forgive myself and move on.
Long story short, my husband and I had an honest conversation and I’m back on the track of making our marriage a better place to live. I learned that, even though I can’t see it, there are changes taking place inside him that, hopefully, will manifest as action in time. So the next time I lose my temper or get frustrated, I’m going to try to take myself out of the picture for just a moment and implement Tiny Buddha’s suggestions.
What about you? Are you able to process your anger in a way that is healthy? I encourage you to click on the link above and read more about this way of approaching anger.